It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
