so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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