how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think i got beer on your cat.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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