don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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