I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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