I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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