you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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