college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to make out with him forever
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I forget how to act sober
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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