is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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