I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
