can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
