whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
