I heard we made out
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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