words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
