i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
