from now on my penis is your penis
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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