worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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