just tell him i said nine months
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
