yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
