His hands were made for my vagina.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
