CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
