tell your sister to shave her snatch
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
