I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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