Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
