I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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