he puts the penis in happiness.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
