Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
