Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
