I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
