Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
