I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
