It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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