I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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