Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
