Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
did you just send me my own nude
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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