You're so nebulous sometimes
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
