I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
