I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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