this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
