And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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