whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
