I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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