a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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