Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
