i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
