I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
