How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
