It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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