So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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