my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
