Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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