You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
