Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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