I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
