I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
