youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
