I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
