My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
and you fell through a lawn chair
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
