What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
