I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
