At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dicks are not precious.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
