I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
