first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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