Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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