So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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