Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
