corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
